Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Wow! You Again?
Okay, so there's this girl right... I know there's always a girl but this one's different. You ever had a person in your life that no matter what separates you, how much time has past and no matter what you did to fuck it up always seems to retain this certain status. To add insult to injury, after all that bullshit, you still retain a special place in their heart too. Well I have one of those to the tenth power. She's not the hottest girl I've ever seen but she's beautiful to me. She's not the funniest but she can always make me laugh or smile. No matter what happens between us we always pick up right where we left off. Now she has boyfriend and I can't even remotely be upset. All I can do is wonder what if.
I'm a junior in college and we started dating my sophomore year of high school. We broke up in two weeks end of story, right? Naaaaa, i don't have that kind of luck. No, no, the Gods chose to reunite me with her two years ago and have things pick right back up only to have my commitment issues fuck it up again right on the cusp of us being something again. After a serious scolding which invovled the phase, "lose my number and don't call me 'til you grow a pair", we stop talking again. In the spring while visiting facebook, which I very seldom do, I see her face on my news feed. A face I hadn't seen in years just appears out of the blue. Now that I am 21 and an adult now, I felt that I needed to message her and apologize for the way things ended, not expecting a response. She responds. Not only does she respond but she gives me her new number and asks me to call her. Just messaging her back and forth those few days brought back memories and feelings that I thought were gone. Now this innocent phone call I plan on making takes on a little bit more meaning. So I decide to look through her facebook pictures(facebook stalking) only to discover a reoccurring male companion who seems to be popping up in all of her pictures. I get nervous and don't know what I have to gain from the phone call anymore so I don't call. Whoops I did it again!
The summer goes by and she responds to a status on facebook about all my exes being crazy. We start messaging again and she calls me out on never calling her. So I start slow by text messaging her. Hours of text messaging and a dare go by so now I have to call. We talk for hours about everything our new lives, family, friends, our past, our present and after some fishing i find out that the reoccurring male companion in the photos is her current boyfriend. I continue to talk to her for hours still and text her a little more once we got off the phone only to realize that my feelings for this girl are not going to go away and I don't know if I want them to but it's probably too late to do anything about it. She's worried that I'll try to pull out of her life again because of my commitment issues and honestly I am too but this time it feels different. The only problem is that she's attached and I would never want to mess up what she has because I've had my chance...chances. And I know although she feels the same way about me she's way too good and sweet of a person to ever leave the person she's with to be with me and I would never ask her to. The only problem is that since my feelings for her aren't going anywhere and for the moment unfortunately, neither is her boyfriend, I don't know what to do. Cause with this girl I know I can't just be her friend for too long before it just isn't enough for me. I haven't felt true romantic Love before because I've never let anyone get that close but with this girl it's different. We just click, we always have, and I think she maybe my only shot at it.
I'm a junior in college and we started dating my sophomore year of high school. We broke up in two weeks end of story, right? Naaaaa, i don't have that kind of luck. No, no, the Gods chose to reunite me with her two years ago and have things pick right back up only to have my commitment issues fuck it up again right on the cusp of us being something again. After a serious scolding which invovled the phase, "lose my number and don't call me 'til you grow a pair", we stop talking again. In the spring while visiting facebook, which I very seldom do, I see her face on my news feed. A face I hadn't seen in years just appears out of the blue. Now that I am 21 and an adult now, I felt that I needed to message her and apologize for the way things ended, not expecting a response. She responds. Not only does she respond but she gives me her new number and asks me to call her. Just messaging her back and forth those few days brought back memories and feelings that I thought were gone. Now this innocent phone call I plan on making takes on a little bit more meaning. So I decide to look through her facebook pictures(facebook stalking) only to discover a reoccurring male companion who seems to be popping up in all of her pictures. I get nervous and don't know what I have to gain from the phone call anymore so I don't call. Whoops I did it again!
The summer goes by and she responds to a status on facebook about all my exes being crazy. We start messaging again and she calls me out on never calling her. So I start slow by text messaging her. Hours of text messaging and a dare go by so now I have to call. We talk for hours about everything our new lives, family, friends, our past, our present and after some fishing i find out that the reoccurring male companion in the photos is her current boyfriend. I continue to talk to her for hours still and text her a little more once we got off the phone only to realize that my feelings for this girl are not going to go away and I don't know if I want them to but it's probably too late to do anything about it. She's worried that I'll try to pull out of her life again because of my commitment issues and honestly I am too but this time it feels different. The only problem is that she's attached and I would never want to mess up what she has because I've had my chance...chances. And I know although she feels the same way about me she's way too good and sweet of a person to ever leave the person she's with to be with me and I would never ask her to. The only problem is that since my feelings for her aren't going anywhere and for the moment unfortunately, neither is her boyfriend, I don't know what to do. Cause with this girl I know I can't just be her friend for too long before it just isn't enough for me. I haven't felt true romantic Love before because I've never let anyone get that close but with this girl it's different. We just click, we always have, and I think she maybe my only shot at it.
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