So my best friend just had a baby. I know... exciting right! The baby is beautiful, healthy and my goddaughter, so she's even more special. I've known my best friend for a long time and I've never seen her in a better light. She will probably make fun of me when she reads this cause we always play with each and never get mushy but she's awesome and her baby is incredible. Now she can honestly say she births people who piss excellence. Alright I'm done.
As the above literature and video have just displayed, I AM A FRICKIN' IDIOT! I forgot my best friend's birthday for which there is no excuse. For my misdeed, I have been thrown in the same ranks with miscreants such as Nixon, Jim Jones and Mussolini. There is now a special place in Hell reserved for me. A ring that will house the likes of Adolf Hitler, Osama Bin Laden and Barney and where the tortures will be supervised and carried out by Ronald Reagan. I have apologized over and over again and she has forgiven me... but I still haven't forgiven myself. This is not the first time I've done this to a good friend of mine and that's why I'm so harsh in awarding my own punishment. Though no excuse is good enough I am comforted in the fact that I didn't forget the date of their birth I just lost track of what the day was in general.
Anyways... until such time I believe I have carried out a proper rectification (if that's a word... side note, if it's not a word, it should be a word meaning anal poundage) or remedied the situation satisfactorily I am at her mercy. God Help ME!
Although it was not as gruesome to look at and the severity is not as high the result is still the same I tore my ACL doing the same thing and now I need surgery. I do take donations.
We finally have someone to defend the rights of all of us disabled citizens.
If you didn't hear by now, I am recently handicapped. And while I would like to tell you that I achieved my injuries in some sort of heroic feet of daring action, like rescuing a damsel in distress or saving a burning bus full of preschool children, I cannot ( Mainly because I'm saving that lie for another occasion ). I was playing basketball, while I should have been in class, with a friend. As I was going to play help defense in lane, I pressed off of my back foot and heard an ungodly 'POP' in my knee and I fell to the ground. After shouting all sorts of profanities, I hopped myself to the bench and sat there for the next 20 minutes filling out accident reports and getting all sorts of unnecessary attention, except from the cute junior training assistant who made it a point to continue to let me know if I needed ANYTHING just ask. Since I didn't want my friend who I came there with me to drive my truck in Houston rush hour traffic and their was no x-ray or MRI machine on campus, I did like any other self respecting American man would do in the same situation... I called my mommy. I was taken to the emergency room and told, after three hours, what I suspected from the beginning, nothing was broken. The only good thing about the entire visit was that the lady taking my x-rays was awfully hot... but I digress. They gave me a full leg cast and some crutches and basically told me to hobble my crippled ass on for a week until I could properly see a specialist, after healing naturally for a few days. That's where I've been for the past week... asking my family to help dress me, needing help to sit down and stand and get to the bathroom. Over the week though, I've gotten better at being disabled; I can get up and around on my own, get in and out of cars on my own in a full leg cast, and I also believe my senses are heightening as we speak. I have an appointment to see a specialist tomorrow and I'm starting to get used to being waited on hand and foot. Hopefully I won't be among the ranks of the disabled for very much longer, although I do have a new found respect for the Special Olympics. I'll keep you tuned in fans... I don't know what you guys would do without me.
